I’d like to buy the world a Coke and keep it company

Today was to be a good day. It had all the makings of another satisfying Saturday: sleeping late, a trip to get my hair colored (Now you know, I don’t naturally have nondescript light brown hair. It’s really boring mousy brown; note the subtle difference.), an afternoon with Cynical and “Charlie and The Chocolate Factory." (Yes, we are just now getting to see it. We are never ahead of the curve, give us a break.)

However, it didn’t come off as planned. One comment, one hateful comment cast a shadow over each and every thing I did today. I suspect it will also reach far into my future and wreak havoc with my self confidence for a long time to come, as I will never forget my shock and awe that someone that is supposed to love me would say something he knew would sting and then show no remorse. (It’s not Cynical, so please don’t badger him. He’s the one trying to pick up my broken pieces. Poor guy is always having to put Humpty Dumpty back together again.) Who said it and what they said is not my point here. I also, honestly, don’t want to even relive it.

My question is, “Why would you deliberately hurt someone you love?” I know that I have said hurtful things in my life, but I also know that they were not with evil intention or malice; some were said in the heat of the moment and without forethought, but I truly regret them. In this instance, it was in casual, non-confrontational conversation, said with malice and criminal intent: to maim.

Whenever my family teases me about my neurotic behavior, I am going to start explaining from whence it comes. I hate being one of those people that can list the ways they feel they have been wronged, but as I start figuring out where it all comes from, I am able to link it to some very specific incidences. It’s the kind of moment that no matter how hard you try, you cannot let go of it. It hangs on and you can’t shake it no matter how far or fast you run.

I don’t expect to get over this day in one blog, but I did want to try to suck out a little of this venom that is poisoning me.

I have resorted to wearing pigtails and am dangerously close to drinking not one, but two, bottled Diet Cokes in the fridge.

I am considering rolling around on the floor and meowing as that seems to be working for my cats and I think Cynical is giving it a try.

I took the photo above on Friday at a local church turned community theater. I just liked how the age of the building shown in the brick and the windows.