just stay home, make our own mashed potatoes and call it a day?
That's what is running through my mind as we approach Thanksgiving and I feel horrible about it. Why can't we just sleep late, make up some mashed potatoes and green bean casserole (sorry, Emily, but I love the stuff) and give thanks in our own way?
Why? Because then we'd be forever dead to our families and forever cut out of what little real love they afford us.
Does this sound pathetic. Does this sound sad. Well, it's both and I don't know what to do about it. Don't go feeling sorry for me, I suspect that lots of people are going through this angst. I am not sure if that makes me feel good: knowing that I am not alone or sad: that others have to go through it too OR upset: that some people have loving, supportive families that they want to spend time with.
So, here is how I will be feeling about 5 p.m. on Thursday night, it's just a summary, but you get the picture:
-Unappreciated: I am simply there to clean up dishes and take hits all day long.
-Unloved: No one loves the girl that washes the dishes, they just want her to do them.
-Fat: I will hear over and over again how it's obvious that I have not been working out and get the eye every time I approach a piece of pumpkin pie.
-Outcast: Because I won't play their games designed to hurt each other and make fellow hostages feel unworthy.
-Boring: Because not only do I not have any drama in my own private life, but I didn't birth a baby, start my own business, create a work of art or am so intelligent that I have spoken above all of those around me the entire day and don't have a cool accent.
-Relieved: That it's all over and I can be at home with Cynical where love abounds and all is right with the world.
Already I am in hot water because I haven't been available and willing to prepare for the arrival of the Princes and their clans. Already I am doomed because I opted to make my own Christmas gifts this year. Already I am a loser because I didn't grow and pick my own pecans for the pathetic pies I am bringing as a gesture of love and understanding. Already I am a loser because by the time we arrive I will have been told at least 10 times how awesome it is that everyone can be together, but they don't mean me.
I know, I know, it's my choice how I feel about all of this. I know that I have control over my own emotions, but damnit, these are my family members and I deserve, we all deserve, respect, love, appreciation and acceptance. It's just not that hard. I do it every day.
I am so blessed in so many other ways that I cannot begin to share each blessing with you. Friends, loved ones, Cynical, our home, my work, our health, lots of laughter, bad dancing, 80s music, creative and talented people around me, art, "Lost", safe havens in storms, new hobbies, quiet neighborhoods. . . but that all kinda crumbles when I am around the people who I should feel most blessed to have.
OK, so thanks for reading, but don't feel sorry for me, just say a prayer and hold up big hopes that I develop a tougher skin.
(Sorry, guys, it's the dark, bitter and deflated side of Ragged. Look away. Look away.)
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Can't we
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
I am a Lost fan. I am a true blue fan, so no, you weren't wrong. So many things to consider when watching it, so I can truly say that often it does help me retreat and think about something more than hurt feelings and silly, dumb stuff going on in my own life. Funny how tv can do that, eh?
PS: I knew what you meant, so no foul, no harm. I am certainly not going to point fingers at anyone's grammar or spelling!
I would love any kind of pecan pie you made. Store bought or home-grown, it's all good.
There are a lot of people that just don't get how special it is to be the recipient of a really thoughtful handmade gift. That's why I warn my daughters to be very selective when deciding who will be on the "getting end" of their wonderful creations.
Hope you have a really good Thanksgiving. Every once in awhile, you're allowed to be a tad bitter. It makes the sweet stuff that much better.
Sorry, that last little line sounds a little too much like a Hallmark card...
You know I love Hallmark, so Hallmark sentiments are always welcome. You are so sweet. Thank you.
I know what you mean. My advice: Drink a glass of wine while you do the damn dishes. This also helps deflect the hits.
Smile when the new parents gush about the wonder of having the new baby/business (because you know they're about to kill eachother at home).
Eat lot of pie. Just because.
And leave knowing that Thanksgiving isn't for another year...but you can make mashed potatoes every day.
Emily,
I think you should start a column entitled "Ask Emily"! Perfect advice.
I hadn't considered alcohol, but if it's good for the rest of the family, it's good for me.
I so love the new baby, so that's my saving grace. I am all for gushing over her, just not for being beat up over not having a cousin for her.
Do you think anybody really likes the holidays? I think it's a big national secret that EVERYBODY dreads it.
When I was a kid I liked it. Maybe that's the trick to it, you have to look at it like a kid.
Nah, that won't work, you can't get a separate table away from the adults anymore.
So we're all stuck, but it's just one day, one very lo-o-o-n-g day.
I think you and Cynical need to come up to Needles and I a spend T'givin with us and Needles family and spare yourself the anxiety and eat yourself into a turkey coma with us. I am a lucky one and enjoy being around my family as much as possible. We will be in the promise land at my parents the weekend following T'givin so swing by if you would like. I am sure there will be left overs....rukey sandwiches, turkey kabobs, turkey cassarole, turkey in a blanket..Ok maybe I 'm getting alittle silly. Pilot
ragged said...
->I know, I know, it's my choice how I feel about all of this. I know that I have control over my own emotions...<-
It sounds like your family is not so different from mine as I've had to learn over the years how to deal with near insane passive aggressiveness. If I may be so bold, the best suggestion I could offer based on my own experience would be to try, and I realize this won't be easy, to maintain a happy demeanor and NEVER let on that they're actually getting to 'ya. Hopefully, this will server two purposes:
1.) If they're just trying to get a rise out of you and you don't give it to them, it manages to turn their fire back on themselves and ultimately they will be just as hurt as you are inside.
2.) Fail to give them satisfaction long enough and they may finally give up and look for someone else to pick on. This is ultimately how it worked out for me and I now enjoy a very happy relationship with much of my family as they realize they can't hurt me as I won't let them and so most don't even try anymore.
You guys all give such great advice and trust me I am reading every word carefully. It's really up to me as to how I react. I just gotta get tough and enjoy what there is to enjoy.
Pilot, we'd love to join you guys and that sounds heavenly. But, we gotta see those babies and I am up for some of my dad's mashed potatoes even if he does throw them at me. Thanks for the offer! We may take you up on it some time.
Post a Comment