Dear Neighbors That We Never See But Still Scare Me,

It seems our cat, well, she's not really our cat, but we do feed her, so we have a stake in her, right? Well, anyway, it seems that she has had kittens underneath the wrecked, junk car in your backyard. (For now we won't talk about the fact that you live in a residential area and it's not necessary neighborly to have an abandoned car in your yard.)

I am obsessive-compulsive, although you wouldn't know it from the shape of our yard, but then again, looking at yours, well, I have nothing to worry about. The point is that I really want to see those kittens.

I noticed that your gate is wide-open and won't shut due to the high grass, so it provides easy access for me.

Here's my point. Yes, I actually have one. I was hoping that you wouldn't shoot me from between your broken blinds if I went over there regularly with my machete, clearing a path for me and the cats.

I wish I could promise you that this is the last of the notes from me you will find taped to your door, but so long as you never answer it, well you leave me no choice.

Sincerely,
Ragged Around The Edges

PS: While I am at it, think you could quit parking your actual running vehicles in the front yard. We try to pretend to be civilized around these parts.