I'm not a good liar

It's a fact: I am not a good liar, especially when it comes to on-the-spot fibbing. Top that off with the fact that I can't say "no" and you can understand why I end up between a rock and a hard place pretty often.

Recently I have been trying to spend more time at home on the weekends. The main focus of this hibernation is that I don't often get time with Cynical on week nights. Saturday and Sunday are therefore very precious to us and I like it when we move through the days in tandem.

This has meant declining a few invitations by my mother that would involve only me, sans Cynical. I have never been able to just simply say, "No, Mom, I'd rather stay at home in my pajamas watching 'Mission: Organization' with my beloved than _________ (you fill in the blank: go to the movies, go shopping, go to a Valentine's banquet.)" She'd never accept that as a feasible excuse. As a matter of fact, she won't accept any excuse, particularly the lame ones I offer up.

I try to schedule time during the week, but she's resistent, so often I catch myself putting off the inevitable, postponing my "no", somehow thinking that if I simply don't give an answer the invitation will expire. This doesn't work.

I found myself in a similar situation this weekend. My dad is sick and therefore was unable to go to a Valentine's Banquet at church. Mom called asking me to go with her. I had wanted to spend the Sunday afternoon at home with my Cynical, snuggled up reading the paper, ordering pizza and drinking coffee. Knowing that wasn't an acceptable answer, I hemmed and I hawed and I told her I had to talk to Cynical, hoping he would save me. Time passed, Cynical didn't rescue me (and he really shouldn't have had to) and it was the moment of truth: I had to return the call and give her an answer or a qualified out. I had decided I'd say that we had planned to go to a movie instead. It never occurred to me that I'd have to offer any further explanation. I guess expert liars might be prepared for additional probing, but I never am. I was completely unprepared as I stumbled through the questioning.

So, the next day we snuggled in and enjoyed our afternoon together. Around 5:30 p.m., the phone rang and even though I could hear a radio playing in the background, no one spoke. And then the caller hung up.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been caught. I was busted. I was cornered by my Mom. Cynical, quick to the help me dig out of this hole, told me to simply explain that we'd fallen asleep and didn't wake in time for the movie.

I never got the chance to further the lie. . . my mom won't speak to me now and the damage is done. The worst thing imagineable for me is to think that I have hurt someone's feelings, made them feel badly.

If only I'd taken the blows and the immediate pain by being truthful. My desire to avoid initial conflict only meant a prolonged version of it. I have either got to start sucking it up or become a better liar, cover my tracks a little better.

Now I must brace for the wrath.