Home alone

I lived alone for a very long time. And as much as it bothered my friends and family, it never really bothered me. If I wanted company, I invited someone over. If I wanted to hang out with someone, I went to them. If I wanted time alone, however, I just went home and shut the door. I have always been able to entertain and amuse myself. Not sure if that's the mark of being the only daughter, the oldest or simply who I am.

I truly was content. I managed to fill my time with projects, parties and piddling. I was once snowed-in for the greater part of a week; and seriously, I was entertained the entire time. I'm ashamed to tell you what entertained me, but it's amazing how having two seasons of "Felicity" on VHS, a propensity toward clothes organization and far too many books can keep a girl occupied.

Whenever I began living with my beloved, it was a huge adjustment. Girl tidiness made way for boy piles of stuff. Wednesdays were no longer known as "Felicity Night". I could no longer consider a muffin and a Twizzler dinner. I suspect it was mainly a control issue. I had been used to being in control of my space, my time, my schedule and my life.

After some negotiation, some arguments, some patience, we settled in just fine. Not to say that we don't battle from time to time over the expiration dates of food items, the number of towels we own or when the yard needs mowing, but we manage just fine. I will say, however, that we do have our own spaces. I have a studio. He has an office. We don't retreat to our corners often; in fact, we are generally within a few feet of each other most of the time.

Cynical works from home and I tend to be a tad more social than he is, so he often is alone in the house. I, however, have not been alone in the house. Sure, Cynical goes to work out or to run an errand, but I am never really there on my own.

After tonight, I can't say that. He'll be away on a work obligation and I'll be in that vast space all by myself. And as much as I like seeing Cynical each evening, I kinda look forward to being there. . . by. . . myself.

I have teased that I'll be having French cut green beans and Polish sausage for dinner; one of my favorite meals when I was a lone bachelorette. I may pull out the "Felicity" DVDs and who knows, I might just organize my closet. It will be just like old times. . . until I start missing Cynical or it's time to go to bed. Wait. . . what if I have a bad day and need to talk. What if I need help opening the sausage packet. Hey, what if I read something funny online, do I laugh alone. . . there is a reason we cohabitate.