In with the new

It's gonna sound cliche' and I wish I was more original and creative, but where did 2005 go? When I was younger my parents talked a lot about time passing quickly and I never quite bought it. I mean, we had all the time in the world, right?

Well, maybe not.

For the past few weeks I have been pondering my resolve for changes in the new year. I always make resolutions and that too might seem cliche', but something in me won't let go of that hope that you get each December 31. I just hate to lose that optimism, so I put pen to paper each time and make big wishes and hold big hopes for the next year, even if I was a bit disappointed in the one I just put to bed.

Cynical and I never find ourselves crashing into the new year with zeal and squeals, confetti, funny hats or poppers, we tend to be much lower key, spending the evening at home, lots of appetizers before us and a bottle of wine chilling. He rarely makes it to the New Year, giving into sleepy notions, so I always stay up and ring it in myself, in my own quiet way. I count down the seconds and wish with all my might that the next 365 days will keep us healthy, safe, happy and loved. So far it has worked.

So, here we sit tonight, having just attended the birthday party for our favorite one-year-old, appetizers awaiting us and I am still pondering who I want to be in 2006.

Oh, I have a few of the standard resolutions, but I'm hoping to toss in a few new ones; we'll see how it turns out.

Here goes:

In 2006 I want to be the kind of person that is:

1. Patient:
Patient with my beloveds. Patient with myself. Patient with the world around me. I want to take a deep breath, see it all through and realize in the end we will be better for it.

2. Fun:
Fun to be around. Fun to be with. Fun to love. Fun to care about.

3. A Good Listener:
I want to absorb what you are telling me. I want to hear what you are saying and what you are implying. I don't want to offer the answers to your questions, but listen intently and completely as you get to your own solutions. I want you to know I hear you, that I did listen to you and you can always come back for more.

4. Brave:
I want to take off the safety hardhat. I don't mean that I want to start cliff diving or eating Indian food. I want to be courageous with my trust. I want to be brave as I attempt new things and try new avenues, free of all that encumbers me. I want to let go of shame, self consciousness and the need to be accepted. I want to be brave and strong.

5. Smart:
I want to be smart in my decisions. I want to be smart in my spending. I want to be learn and grow and read. As a matter of fact, I want to read at least 12 books this year.

6. New:
I want to listen to new music. I want to meet new people. I want to like new things. I want to create new art. I want to write about new topics. To get me off to a good start: I commit to listening to a different CD each day on my way to work. Yes, it's a token effort, but it will be a good reminder to start anew each day.

7. Healthy:
I want to be healthy. I want to feel well. I want to eat well. I want to exercise three times a week for 45 minutes each session. I want to eat healthier foods. I want to remember to take my vitamins. I commit to not eating French fries in 2006. Yes, again, it may seem token, but it's a clear commitment. If you knew how much I love those sticks of heaven, you'd appreciate this sacrifice. I also commit to only one cola per day. Again, realize the sacrifice.

8. Relaxed:
I want to let go of the small stuff, I want to let it all go and relax. I want to let go of tension. I want to concentrate on my priorities and not get caught up in the details of life. I want to start taking yoga classes again.

9. Faithful:
I want to find a new church. I want to attend regularly. I want to complete my daily reading and journal entry. I want to find my faith, live my faith and be strong in it again.

10. Loved:
I want to be loved. I want to be accepted. I want to be appreciated. I must, therefore, love, accept and appreciate.

11. Creative:
I have long denied any creativity in my life. I want to tap into that hidden side of me. I want to knit creatively. I want to write creatively. I want to be creative in my outlook. I want to find ways to be creative.

I want to be a good friend, a good partner, a good relative and a good person.

Those are my goals for 2006. Yes, I set a few tangible goals, but most, I know, are related to my attitude.